


I Don't Know

by sporadicwriter



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff, Kylo Ren x Reader - Freeform, Memory Loss, Science Fiction, Smut, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, Stormtrooper, The Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:49:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5827522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sporadicwriter/pseuds/sporadicwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All your life you've worked as a librarian for the resistance. A typical day for you involves headaches and finding records or important documents that the rebels need. You long for more, but this is all you know plus you're good at it, so why mess that up? Things start to change when you finally agree to be sent on a mission with Poe Dameron to find the journal of Luke Skywalker. You narrowly manage to take the journal before the REPUBLIC by using... the force?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hesitant

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and creative criticism would be greatly appreciated! This is the first chapter of a Kylo Ren/Reader series and also my first story, so I have a lot of work and improvement to do. Let me know what I can do to better my writing.

You sifted through endless rows of unidentified records. This batch was one you had yet to organize, but for you it would be no problem to find the obscure file. In a cinch you found it and plucked the paper from its ancient folder. You slid down the ladder and a soft thump resounded throughout the silent library when your feet met the floor. You looked over the dusty contents on the way back to your rough, wooden desk in front of the patiently waiting pilot. Maybe not so patient.  
The orange sleeves of his uniform lead down his arms to reveal him wringing his tan hands together. His scruffy, black hair was disheveled, either from his helmet or from him running a nervous hand through it countless times. His thick eyebrows were scrunched together deep in thought.  
"Not quite sure how you managed to damage it so bad in the first place, but this should help you repair your ship. All yours, Poe," you handed over the documents with a smile. The man's shoulders sagged as he let out a breath of relief.  
"Thanks, (y/n,) I don't know what we'd do without you," he sighed accepting the papers. Normally a damaged X-wing wouldn't be such a big deal, considering both of you were part of the resistance and fighting was expected, but Poe hadn't seen a battle in weeks yet somehow managed to annihilate his ship.  
"Neither do I," another voice added. You waved a humble hand at the approaching woman. Poe whipped around to see General Organa herself ambling up to the desk.  
"G-general," he stuttered casually hiding the documents behind his back. She gave him a knowing smile.  
"Well, if it isn't the Resistance's best pilot. What are you doing in the library," she inquired. The only thing Poe read were the price tags on food. He opened his mouth to answer her, but no words came out.  
"Poe was just doing some research on X-wings to gain a better understanding of his ship, isn't that right, Poe," you filled in the empty air for your startled friend. He nodded and gave the General a thin smile desperately hoping she didn't notice the thin layer of sweat forming on his forehead.  
"Well, then, you best get to it," she told him.  
"Right away, ma'am," he saluted before shooting you a grateful smile. He began a brisk jog down the corridor in a hurry to get out of sight of his superior.  
"Oh, and Poe," the General called after him. He slowed to a stop to face her before he could round the corner. "The repair wing is the other way," she pointed to the hall behind him. You snorted at your friend's paling face and quick nod before he ran in the opposite direction. The General shook her head before turning to face you. "It's funny when they think I don't know everything that happens in my resistance," she chuckled.  
"When will they learn," you laughed, resting your chin in your hand and leaning over the desk to chat with her. It's strange how much older she was than you, and how she considerably outranked you yet you two were great friends, and had been for as long as you could recall. Not that, that was saying much. You had a horrible memory.  
"It was impressive how quickly you managed to find those X-wing files. I should've timed you. They didn't even look marked," she praised.  
"That's because they weren't," you smirked.  
"You mean you managed to find those files that quickly and they weren't even categorized yet," she exclaimed. "How in the galaxy did you manage to do that?"  
"Just good at my job, I guess," you shrugged. "I've had a lot of practice."  
"You could do so much more," she implored you for the thousandth time. Knowing all too well where this conversation was heading you struggled to hold back an annoyed sigh. You gave a small shake of your head as she continued. "After all the research you've done you know more about X-wings and battle strategies than anyone else in this resistance. You're an amazing translator and you'd make an outstanding peacekeeper. You're more than qualified for that position. I can give you any post you want, just name it," she pleaded.  
"I appreciate the offer, Leia, but you already know my answer."  
You'd been the Jedi Librarian for the resistance practically as soon as you learned to read your first language, despite not actually having any relation to the Jedi. You'd basically taken over the family business of looking after the library even before your parents died. A memory that was a bit foggy to you after having been so long ago, and being so young when you lost them. Sure, the library could get boring at times, most of the time, but people relied on you. No one could do your job as efficiently as you. You were fast, reliable, and somehow knew where everything was among the millions of manuscripts, books, and blueprints. You felt you had a duty to your family to preserve the work they strived so hard to maintain, and improve upon it yourself.  
"It kills me to see you missing out on your potential," Leia smiled dejectedly. The sorrowful look in her eyes made you want to drop everything and become a peacekeeper or a pilot right then and there, but every time you thought of the notion something inside you immediately shut down the idea. Your responsibilities resided with the library and your family's work. You owed it to them and those involved with the resistance to keep the establishment up to par. No matter how much you wanted to toy with the idea of doing something that would benefit the rebellion on a  much larger scale you knew where you stood.  
"I know it does," you comforted by taking one of her hands in yours. "I feel your pain when I look at you, even when you're not around, it's as if I can feel you worrying about me, " you chuckled softly in an attempt to lighten the mood, but her face only darkened. You wished that Leia didn't have to make this topic of conversation a regular occurrence. "but I'm not like the rest of the resistance. Despite what you think I can't pilot an X-Wing or fight against the Republic. I'm no Jedi, I'm just a librarian." It's what you were good at. You made a difference in your own way. One that was separate from the rest of the resistance. Sure, you didn't save lives or make any significant difference, but you got information for your comrades and wrote down their achievements for the history books. No matter how bored or anxious you felt in the quiet recesses of the library you had a job. You'd read all the stories of Jedi and the rebellion and that was enough to satisfy your urge for adventure. At least that's what you told yourself.  
You felt the twinge of a headache forming. A day never went by without you having throbbing pains in your skull. You released Leia's hand so that you could rub your temples. Leia's brow knitted together in distress at your pain, or your conversation, you couldn't be sure which. The wrinkles on her forehead deepened and her laugh lines didn't seem so cheerful. Looking at her then they seemed more like they were formed through inquisitive squints or shutting eyes to hold back tears, rather than being created through smiles and laughter shared with loved ones. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it, deciding against whatever it was. Her face hardened and her back straightened as another thought took over.  
"What do you mean you can't fight against the Republic? You're a part of the resistance, aren't you," she demanded.  
"Well, yes-"  
"That's why I'm ordering you to accompany Poe Dameron on a covert mission." You retracted from the desk in surprise.  
"But, Leia, I'm just a-"  
"We need you to recover a journal that may very well contain the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker. It is highly probable that the coordinates may be in code, so with your ability to locate manuscripts swiftly, and being the quickest one in the resistance to decipher hidden messages, you are the most qualified for this assignment."  
With every word Leia spoke your headache grew larger and your heart beat faster. Having a mission that would actually benefit the resistance in some large way was like a dream to you. You would get to feel as if you were truly making a difference, and you would get to travel beyond the walls you so rarely left. Your headache was now a migraine, but the adrenaline coursing through your body made the pain bearable.  
"Who would look after the library while I'm gone," you wondered out loud speaking slowly, so as not to appear like you were agreeing to anything. You desperately wanted to accept the offer. To feel like one of the protagonists in the books you read on an adventure of your own was a horribly tempting thought.  
"It'll be a short mission, you'd be back before the day was over," Leia waved away your concern. The shortness of the mission sparked disappointment in your chest, but you ignored it. "We need you, (y/n,) I need you," her eyes begged as she rested a hand on your shoulder. You knew how important this operation was to her which made it important to you. You held each other's gaze a few moments longer before you finally gave in and accepted the mission. Leia's aged face broke out into a broad smile. Her eyes lit up and her laugh lines seemed cheerful once again. She leaned over your desk and pulled you into a hug. "You'll love the adventure. It's where you're meant to be," she whispered in your ear. You couldn't hold back the shivers that ran up and down your spine at the feeling of a double meaning behind her words. You waved the feeling away. She released you from her hold suddenly feigning a serious face. "It is imperative that we acquire the journal before the REPUBLIC can get their hands on it. Make sure you handle the book with extreme caution. It's very old and is deteriorating quickly. It's made from the Ganou, an extinct tree from the planet Dagobah. That tree produced the thinnest paper in the universe. Luke always did have a flare for the dramatics," she stated fondly remembering her brother. You tilted your head at your friend and offered a small smile.  
"We'll get him back," you reassured her. "I can't wait to meet him." Leia glanced away from you before she offered a thin smile.  
"You'll love him," she informed you with watery eyes. "Someone will retrieve you in the morning for your mission. Make sure to get a good night's rest."  
"Will do," you lied knowing full well sleep never came easily to you.


	2. Restless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tendency to move the story a little too quickly because I get excited to write future parts, so feel free to tell me how I can improve.

Your dreams weren't necessarily nightmares, but they were so vivid that they blurred the lines between fiction and reality. You always woke up feeling like you had no rest at all, so you often found yourself only getting an hour of sleep here and there over the course of the night. When you got anxious or tired of tossing and turning, you would go to the library and shelve books, or reorganize files. Sometimes you were more productive then, than during your actual job. The naps you took in the library during the day were what kept you functioning, since they brought less graphic dreams and you could actually recharge. Knowing that you had a mission the next day you were determined to sleep through the night.  
You were convinced that your overactive imagination, brought on by all the stories you read and time you spent daydreaming, was the cause of your insomnia. Your dreams often featured you as the role of a skilled Jedi, usually accompanied by close, yet anonymous, allies. Unfortunately, you couldn't recall your dreams once you woke, so they didn't quite satisfy your thirst for adventure. You only remembered the basics, like the fact that you were a Jedi, or the planet that you were on. No names, faces, or plots. Just a feeling that you wished you could hold on to before it disappeared into the void once again.   
You wrapped yourself in your soft, plush blankets, played some shiny disc you found in the library that emitted soothing music when you put it in a box, and willed yourself to drift off. It didn't take as long as you had anticipated, but before you could reach a deep sleep you were jolted awake by the sound of someone screaming.  
"(Y/n)!"  
You bolted straight up in your bed with cold sweat plastering your shirt to your back. You knew it was a dream, but that didn't cause your uneasiness to subside. You couldn't recall anything in the dream other than the fear you felt. You were so utterly terrified, but of what? You pulled the blankets tight around your body once you realized you were shaking.  
The time revealed only two hours had passed. So much for your plan of getting a full night's rest.   
What had been so terrible? You tried to remember any monsters or villains, but nothing came to you. A gut feeling told you it was worse than any antagonist you could imagine, and frankly you weren't sure you wanted to.   
You forced yourself to stay in bed and not roam the empty corridors, or the tranquil columns of the library. Maybe there was a book that could help you defeat the monster in your dreams. If there was it would have to wait until after your journey. For now, you chose to deal with the perturbed feeling that brought on tossing and turning all night. You felt no desire to close your eyes let alone go back to sleep for fear of what you would dream next. You opted to stare at the ceiling, or longingly at the books that lined your shelves. A distraction would be more than welcome. Unfortunately, the knock on your door was not what you meant.   
You waited a few seconds to make sure you hadn't imagined it, but a series of knocks soon followed the first. Slowly, you slipped out from under your sheets and padded to the door. You didn't have a peephole, but you had a hunch the presence behind your door wasn't a threatening one. Still, your nervous hand didn't reach towards the handle enthusiastically. You opened it just enough so that your head could poke through.  
"Poe," you whispered confused. You opened the door fully to reveal your bed head and night shirt.   
"Sorry to wake you up so early, but the ship's ready," he informed you. He held his helmet at his side slightly slouching since no superiors were around. You looked past him to see the halls slowly beginning to fill with people and other life forms ready to start the day. It was morning. Well shit.   
"Give me one second to get dressed," you told him before you slammed the door in his face hopefully not appearing rude. You paused a moment before opening the door once again. "Do I have to wear anything special? Like, are there rules I have to..." your words trailed off when Poe pushed a pile of folded up clothes into your arms. You must have overlooked them before you had slammed the door in his face. He didn't seem offended, though, and instead wore a mischievous smirk.   
"These might be a little more appropriate than what you're wearing now," he commented. You didn't really mind the fact that you weren't wearing pants considering Poe was like a brother to you, and you were fairly sure he was gay. Either way the only love you felt for each other was familial.   
The clothes he gave you were much different than the robes you wore around the library. The long sleeved shirt was murky, green, almost brown and the pants were a dusty, hazel. Your accessories were brown combat boots and a belt to hold your blaster, something you had never touched before in your life. You assumed the colors were for camouflage purposes, but the only thing that really mattered to you was that the clothes were yours.   
You rejoined Poe and he gave his approval before you both headed towards the ships. Leia was waiting for you at the launching bay accompanied by a few other higher ups in the resistance. She gave you a summary of the mission which was basically the location of the book, where in the building to find it, and don't mess up. There really wasn't much for her to say except good bye.   
"I haven't seen you leave this base in quite a while," she told you.   
"What're talking about? I left just last month to retrieve some scrolls from the Cereans," you corrected her.  
"I know...I meant...there are some things that we need to discuss once you get back from your mission," Leia informed you. Everyone was watching your conversation intently which made you uncomfortable. Not to mention the headache you were getting was making you anxious.  
"That doesn't sound ominous at all," you laughed.   
"This is not a laughing matter, (y/n.)"   
"I didn't say it was, but how about instead of making me nervous for my first mission you wish me luck?"  
"There is no luck involved with this! This is skill. It's not your first-"  
"Stop yelling," you pleaded. Your head felt like bomb waiting to go off at any sound that provoked it. Poe rested an apprehensive hand on your shoulder with concern lacing his features. Leia didn't seem to notice your distress.   
"You never thought about how you would affect the rest of us."  
"General, maybe you should calm down," suggested Poe who was growing more worried about you by the second. Darkness enclosed on the edges of your vision and a thin layer of sweat was forming on your forehead.   
"You need to grow up and stop living in this fantasy. None of this is real," Leia exclaimed. Now not only were feeling sick, but you felt scared. Leia rarely got angry with you and you had absolutely no idea what you had done to trigger her. Frankly, you weren't a huge trouble maker, and being told your reality was fake wasn't the right way to reward your good behavior. Leia's mouth moved, but the sounds that were coming out of it were beginning to resemble that of someone underwater.  
"Leia..." your breathing was becoming hard to manage.   
"Don't interrupt me!"  
You were fortunate enough to have Poe catch you when your legs gave out. You were looking at the world underwater with distorted faces and muffled sounds directed at you. No wonder it was so hard to breathe.   
One of the muffled noises was definitely your name. You tried to focus on the warped image that was closest to you. It sounded masculine and you could make out the color of his skin and his hair. His hair was dark in your saturated vision and it reminded you of Ben. You weren't really sure who Ben was, though, just that this man's hair was dark like his, and that he wasn't Ben. This man was Poe.  
"Hey, Poe," you slurred. Your eyes were much too heavy to remain focused on him, so you decided to close them. "Why can't I remember anything before last year?"  
Poe didn't say anything before your body went limp. Leia bit her lip and opened her mouth to speak, but the look on Poe's face warned her she better not. He shot daggers at her before silently carrying you into his ship.


	3. Ruse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your mission gets off to a bit of a rocky start.

The soft hum of the ship gently caused you to stir. Poe charily watched you stretch your arms and legs leisurely before you reluctantly opened your eyes. You quickly shut them and put a hand to your head struggling to suppress a groan. You were notorious for falling asleep in unlikely places and situations, mostly due to your lack of a routine sleeping pattern, but this just felt wrong. Like you were stuck in a helmet and someone thought the only solution to getting it off was by hitting it repeatedly.  
"How long have I been asleep," you croaked. You sat up slowly so the blood wouldn't rush to your head all at once, but your head throbbed none the less. When you turned to Poe he was no longer looking at you but rather focused on the stretch of galaxy before him. True, captaining a space ship was hard work, and the sight of endless stars and distant planets all containing their own stories of life was enough to make anyone go existentially mad, and nothing against Poe, but the truth was he wasn't a very deep thinker. He tended to take a more turn on the dime approach to life. Not to forget that flying was second nature to him, so you knew by the way he sat rigid in his seat and locked his gaze dead ahead that something was off.  
"You passed out pretty much as soon as you sat down," he replied, shooting you a smirk. You narrowed your eyes at his nonchalant facade.  
"Poe, what's up," you asked as you shakily stood on your feet and warily tested your space legs. Confident you weren't going to land back on your ass you strode over to him.  
"We're only a few minutes away from our destination."  
"No, I meant what's up with you," you clarified. He finally shot a quick glance at you before planting his eyes straight forward once again. His tongue darted out to wet his lips while he weighed his options. He couldn't tell how much you remembered before he carried you onto to the ship, seeing as you thought you had just woken up from a nap. That made Poe wonder how much sleep you had last night, but he didn't want to ask for fear you would look for the answer in your head and find something entirely different than anticipated, like an angry general telling you your entire existence was a guise. Leia shouldn't have said anything in the first place, and now you going outside the base was compromising not only the mission, but your well being as well. To put it plainly; Poe was pissed, and you were his go to when he had something on his chest, but at that moment the best thing for both of you was to get this goddamn mission over with and keep you in the dark.  
"This mission is just going to be more difficult than we originally thought," Poe growled, tightening his grip on the controls.  
"Why do you say that," you asked, drawing your eyebrows together. The look of innocence on your face was one that he hoped would remain that way forever. The concern that etched your features made him feel penitent, so he constructed a lie to put your mind at ease.  
"Nothing, just an asteroid field ahead that wasn't on the map," Poe sighed. He didn't want to add any unnecessary stress onto your load. There was only so much drama one person could take.  
"Nothing you can't handle," you beamed. Poe returned the smile, finally allowing himself to relax.  
"I am the best," he winked. You laughed and stood behind Poe to look out the window. He noticed your shaky legs and the way you gripped his chair to steady yourself, and he felt another wave of anger wash over him. Every time something like this happened it took a toll on your body both physically and mentally. Leia needed to learn to live and let be. When Poe looked at your face he was surprised to not see any pain, but rather childish joy. Your eyes returned the sparkle of the stars cast out before you with twice the intensity. Your expression made him smile and he looked out the window feeling more at ease. As much as he hated to admit it Leia did have a point. This is where you belonged.  
"Is that the building up ahead," you asked pointing a finger that collided with the window. You retracted it quickly with an "ouch" waving it in the air as if to shake off the pain.  
"Try not to injure yourself before we've even started," he laughed. "Yeah, that's it. Supposedly Luke hid it somewhere in the library."  
"Oh, you mean the abandoned library bigger than the one we have on the base with no one to give us even a slight hint as to where the journal could be," you asked, feigning naïveté. "That library?"  
"That's the one."  
"Good, just checking." Poe smiled up at you from his seat and you beamed back at him.  
There were no clues regarding as to why such a large and successful library had been abandoned, nor how Luke Skywalker had any connection to it. It was rumored to be one of the largest libraries in the entire galaxy, and being a librarian yourself, you knew the strength it would have to take to abandon your post as guard over each individual story, message, and teaching that was entrusted to you. To leave behind all that knowledge without anyone to so much as remember where it was? What a waste.  
Though you were still a good ways away the building didn't seem too run down, just empty. A sad, lonely gray building with an even more dreary inside. It sat on it's own individual, burnt orange rock as if it were a planet, giving shelter to the books that dwelled inside. As you got closer to the building you were able to notice more details. The intricate designs on the outside of the building that bled into sentences of welcome, or how each window was spread out and uneven like an abstract work of art. The windows didn't offer you any clue as to what awaited you inside seeing as they revealed nothing but stark black. The nearest Sun was 1.2 billion kilometers away, so the building was not provided with much light. You wondered whether or not there would still be electricity without any upkeep of the structure over the years, and you worried that you may have to turn around to get supplies. Your concerns seemed foolish as there was a bright flash of light that lit up the space around your ship, but your concerns soon returned as quakes racked the ship.  
With the trembles brought on by the sudden appearance of the light you were unable to maintain your footing. You landed hard on your knees and barely managed to keep your head from ramming into Poe's seat. You held onto his chair in vain to keep yourself from sliding to the rear of the vessel.  
"Hold on," he called to you while he hastily pressed buttons and struggled to regain power over his controls.  
"What does it look like I'm doing," you snapped back. You wrapped your legs around his seat as best you could before more tremors ran through the ship throwing you both up in the air. Luckily, he was buckled in and you were holding onto the chair like a lifeline. "Poe, I thought this library was abandoned?"  
"It is," he cried.  
"Then what is that," you nodded your head towards the window even though you knew he couldn't see you. He understood what you meant and stared out into the horizon. There, landing right beside the ginormous and deserted building, was a dark, gray ship just exiting light speed. Poe's mouth ran dry and his heart leaped into his throat as he finally managed to steady his own space craft.  
"That's a REPUBLIC ship." You stood up to look, but Poe pushed you back down with more force than necessary. "Stay down, I'm going to have to take us around back and fast." Poe's heart beat vehemently while he pushed buttons and switches as fast as his hands could go. His face was one of deep concentration as he worked to get you out of there as quickly and quietly as possible. He shot one final look at the enemy ship fearing who he would find dismounting the ramp that had just opened. He jolted the vessel forward as soon as he saw a black boot step out of the entryway.


End file.
